Hi there! 

“I feel behind. I’m in my mid-thirties and have no savings. My friends around me have more money than me and my family (which I would love for myself) and I don’t feel like I’ve achieved anything. I’ve spent the last ten years hustling in my nursing career (trying to pay off my student loans) and have been getting burnt out every couple of years, so I go traveling around the world… then run out of money and have to come back to work! Please help me be more “adult-like”.

Thanks for keeping people healthy and supporting people’s healing! I’m sure you’ve helped hundreds, if not thousands, of people heal over the last ten years. Sounds like an awesome achievement! With all that you give to others, it’s no wonder you have felt the desire to take time off for yourself. 

A few questions to ask yourself when you’re feeling behind: 

This money that your other friends have, is that just fancy cars and nice houses, or have you actually seen their bank account? How do you know these friends don’t have mountains of debt they don’t tell you about? Do they envy the freedom you have while they are dealing with taking the kids to school again and again? 

The grass isn’t always greener!

I’m sure you have a lot of student debt from your schooling, which can be crushing. On the flip side, though, this has been a big blessing, and your career is very thankful! Have these friends traveled to as many countries as you? Have they hiked to the places, met the people, seen the sunsets over foreign exotic lands, and eaten the foods you have?

When you say “behind”, I’m curious if you can also see that you are ahead too? You have an abundance of life experience and an amazing career. Your life experience has no doubt translated into wisdom, maturity, compassion, and empathy more than many others have to count for themselves. These can all be used as tools to get “ahead” as you desire. 

The trap of perception and societal expectations

When you tell yourself you are “behind,” you are actually stepping into a loop that creates a cycle in which you are constantly chasing something that feels out of reach. 

Because you are constantly looking backward and thinking about what you could’ve done differently and comparing yourself to others, you never feel truly free in the present.

In reality, nobody is behind, but everyone has their own unique journey. The societal idea that you need to achieve specific milestones by a certain age doesn’t fit the reality experienced by many of us. So you shouldn’t let that societal pressure weigh you down, but trust that you will get where you want to be at your own pace.

Your pattern of working hard and then needing to travel shows you something very important: that you feel trapped by your current circumstances and you seek freedom. 

Recognizing this is the first step to help you overcome feeling behind.

The irony is that by traveling and spending all your money when you come back home, you feel even worse, and the cycle keeps going endlessly. 

So perhaps the key is to find ways to feel free in your day-to-day life so you don’t feel the need to escape so often.

Finding freedom in everyday experiences

That feeling of freedom that you are chasing usually comes when you feel joy. Joy is something we are all chasing but unfortunately feels more and more out of reach as we age. 

So a good idea would be to incorporate more spontaneous but low-cost experiences in your life: 

• take a hike, 
• go on a solo date to a place you’ve always wanted to visit, 
• start a new hobby just for the fun of it. 

By following that joyous feeling, you’re not only having fun but also learning more about yourself and creating space for new opportunities to come into your life. 

A happy person is naturally more magnetic to everyone around them, and you never know when the right person might notice you and what opportunities might arise. 

Rewiring your brain for abundance

There is a beautiful connection between your mindset and your reality. When you feel good, it is as if the world responds back to you and you become much more prone to noticing and taking advantage of new opportunities.

This isn’t just wishful thinking; there is actual science behind it. Our brains possess incredible neuroplasticity and research suggests that the same areas of the brain light up when we vividly imagine an experience as when we are actually living it. 

By intentionally imagining positive outcomes, you are helping your brain rewire to recognize and gravitate toward those positive outcomes in the real world. This mindset shift can be one of the biggest helpers in overcoming feeling behind.

Taking control of your momentum

Have you maximized every opportunity with your qualifications to get more money from your career (without working too much harder)? If you’re working hard and then disappearing to travel, maybe consider balancing yourself out? Can you take shorter trips more often to still have the self-care you desire without spending too much money and without taking too much time away from work?

From here, as you adjust the dials and knobs in your life more subtly, you will find the sweet spot to stay ahead with the areas you are already ahead and get ahead in other ways. Like with saving the money that you desire and paying off the debts. 

From here the money equation is quite simple. Automate savings into a separate account each week and automate a few dollars extra into one of your loans to chip away at the principal balance. The amount will be whatever is the maximum you can afford before you start to get uncomfortable with the thought of putting more.

You won’t miss it as much as you think and if you’re feeling like pushing yourself, put a few more dollars in, as this will help you stretch. It will also help with life balance and keeping a consistent flow in all areas. Again, you won’t miss it and it will force you to think more creatively, with getting a little more income and removing a few minor expenses that don’t actually bring you that much value, out of your habits. 

This new account is just for long term savings (find a high interest account that you can still access within several days in an emergency) and eventually investing which is a whole other conversation for now.

Ready to build your momentum?

If you feel like you are ready to dive deeper into these shifts and want personalized support to navigate your journey, I would love to help. I offer 1:1 coaching sessions designed to help you break through these mental loops and create the life you truly want. Let’s connect and start building your momentum together.

You’re doing great! Before you know it you will have a bigger pile of cash than you know what to do with and the family you desire!