Category: Articles

Read This Before You Give Away Your Personal Power

Read This Before You Give Away Your Personal Power A lot of people go to see specialists like doctors, mechanics, therapists who know more about a problem than we do when they them. In the modern world, this is truly amazing, especially if you live in a larger city, because you may have hundreds of people, within a half hours drive from you, all with specialist knowledge, years of training and willing to serve.   I’m all about learning and trying to understand a problem that you might have yourself and trying to be well studied in lots of subjects. But it can be very hard to learn about specialized topics that take years to learn to all the greatest depths, and so, when we have a larger more significant problem, we need to share this challenge we are facing with other people to assist us.    There seems to be two types of people in this world when we look at this sort of relationship with specialized knowledge: People who seek help from others for everything People who hate to seek because they want to be seen as capable, don’t like to be told what to do and don’t like giving up control.   Like many things in life, it’s wise to sit squarely in the middle and have the ability to see either side and achieve what needs to be achieved by going in either direction.   Seek help when needed. Do it on your own when needed.     But, most importantly, remove the emotional charges of always feeling like you need help from someone other than you, or, in the second example, often feeling like everyone is out to get you or that you don’t need anyone else.    It’s not the specialist that’s the problem, it’s who they are associated to, what their motivations are and can they truly be unbiased, impartial and make decisions WITH YOU AND FOR YOU within your values and needs.    This problem is also compounded by certain authorities being part of associations and certain (dare I say) cliques or clubs where fees, commissions and biased information can truly take out the impartiality.    As a coach I truly strive to help my clients create a deeper understanding of their situation, both externally as well as internally.   I’ve had a few times over the years where I could probably have sought support of some kind for major personal issues that I had had; a bit of depression, going through a life transition and wondering if getting a diagnosis for ADHD in adulthood would be beneficial.   But I always felt comfortable enough (maybe through confidence or stubbornness) that I could figure it out on my own.   I knew that if I just kept moving I would figure it out. Try this? Try that! Read this. Do it this way instead. Something would eventually give. And if not, I could always seek external help anyway.     So if you ever have a big problem or challenge you’re facing, don’t be afraid. Sit with it first. Own it. Say to yourself, “I have an obstacle”.     And then celebrate because you had to have moved in the first place to be able to get to where you are now to even have this new problem that you didn’t have before.  Smile at it and thank it for all that it’s giving you in new awarenesses and new opportunities.   Give it a label yourself and develop any broad or deep awareness around it that you can. Don’t let someone else name it for you just yet. It’s yours, so you get to define it! It’s yours, so you get to come up with the solution and next steps.      And then, if need be, you can still change the label and action steps again the next day.     Get curious.     Ultimately many of us want a solution to our problem but end up with a label and an identity. It’s your situation so why not label it yourself?      With all that said, if it’s getting worse faster than you can explore it, best to seek help immediately.     What are YOU going to do about your current situation?    Peer over the edge and look deep inside, edge finder. What a beautiful way to get to know yourself and love yourself…   ~Brett Solomano   All Posts Articles Reader Question: Am I Just Being Jealous? September 22, 2024/ Reader Question: Am I Just Being Jealous?   I’m really jealous of my girlfriend who has numerous guy friends. She’s… Read More Why Self-Discipline is the Ultimate Act of Liberation. May 16, 2024/No Comments The truth couldn’t be far more liberating. Self-discipline is the foundation for creating true freedom in your life. This article… Read More The Benefits of Developing Persistence and How to Keep It. May 15, 2024/1 Comment The Benefits of Developing Persistence and How to Keep It.   Persistence can be a difficult journey, especially when starting!… Read More Load More End of Content.

What is “A Stuntman’s Guide”?

what is a stuntmans guide?

What is a “Stuntman’s Guide”? A Stuntman’s Guide? What’s this all about? You’re someone who teaches stuntmen?  Brett, Is this guide FOR stuntmen? Not quite. If you’ve made it this far you’ve probably realized that’s not what this is about. Even though I’m a stuntman with 15+ years of experience and have taught numerous stuntmen over the years, this is not a guide FOR stuntmen in the traditional obvious sense. In addition to stunt work, I also offer speaking engagements & 1:1 mindset coaching A stuntman is someone who appears on stage or screen for TV or film performing something that is presented as something that is (more than likely at least one of the following) crazy, chaotic and out-of-control to give the audience part of their intended emotional experience. The stuntman can be described to have three parts:  the performer telling a story  the athlete with an above average level of physical and/or mental skill the magician who is creating something that isn’t there by being able to see both sides – the extravagant magical story, and also the far simpler truth behind the curtain.    *Quick side note: You do realize that the actors or performers playing characters in movies don’t actually die, right? Of course you know that. The same is that they don’t get hurt to tell the story and the anger and other emotions are not real. Although you’d be amazed at how many people assume I must have had broken bones or how many people have asked me whether a certain actor is “actually really mean?”    Want to see what fights in the movies are actually like behind the scenes? Check out my story to learn more about my life as a stuntman. All these elements are called upon in the right way to present a certain aspect of the story – the chaos, the drama! – to make the audience feel a certain experience as part of the emotional and mental journey they are all going on. And the best way to do this is always for the least amount of effort, cost and risk to the performers and crew. What I always found fascinating about this is that for a minimal amount of effort you can give someone an emotional experience. Just like a magician with a simple coin or a comedian with a simple observation, the gift can be profound.  As stuntmen and women, we ask “how can I create a powerful emotional effect or crazy performance in camera to tell the story, for the least amount of effort, cost and danger to myself and the crew?” I carry this philosophy with me everywhere in my personal life too. Here’s an example of some questions I regularly ask myself with the stuntman mindset: How can I ensure I get the most done in my busy day, when I don’t have much time? How can I make sure my friend knows I love them when I could do a lot of well intentioned actions that may be poorly matched for them and therefore poorly received? What’s the best and shortest way for me to get back to a positive energy when something bad happens? Why do I procrastinate and get stuck on bad emotions and how can I overcome them? When something is not working, why isn’t it working? Why do I keep making the same mistakes over and over again? This curiosity to make the unknown known is something that I found I have done all throughout my life. I love solving problems and as I’ve grown into adulthood I have become increasingly fascinated by human psychology and personal development.  Connect with me to learn more about my workshops & speaking events This blog is therefore an extension of my philosophy and wonder. I want to help you:Make the intangible tangible. Make the immeasurable measurable. Make the abstract simple and obvious. Take the taboo and make it rudimentary and routine. Take the uncomfortable and make it comfortable and familiar. Attempt to understand the misunderstood. The Stuntman Mindset is about taking an art and turning it into a science, while still keeping the wonder and excitement of the art itself. So that’s what we are going for here.  While this isn’t a blog for stuntmen, my hope is that in many ways after spending more time with me you’ll be more stuntman-like at least in mindset as you will have the same curiosity and fascination with taking something out of reach, complicated and intimidating and making it something you can play with and achieve results from.  Imagine the self empowerment that would bring! Some of the topics I look to explore in future are: Why some negative emotions draw others closer and some repel people.  Why most people say they want to be financially wealthy…but most never will be. Why you struggle to meditate, even though you know you should. How to overcome those annoying habits like too much social media usage. Why you don’t have the level of success you desire and why it’s taking so long. How to develop better disciplines and habits. Dealing with those annoyingly sticky states like anxiety, depression and procrastination As you explore these new unknown territories with curiosity and a map that is titled “under development” you will need to push your boundaries a little, look at things from a new perspective and break a few molds. For people who do this (myself, my clients, autodidacts, personal development junkies, world travelers, entrepreneurs, stuntmen themselves and many other titles) I call them: Edge Finders. A stuntman always knows exactly where the edge is. They know how to approach the edge without fear or at least in spite of it, stand right on it, dance on it, play with it and, when the time’s right, cross the edge and even jump right over it into whatever is on the other side. Consider me your guide for crossing the next edge in your life. Welcome,

What is Your Vision for Success? (Hint: It’s What’s Behind the Money.)

player or performer

What is Your Vision for Success? (Hint: It’s What’s Behind the Money.) Think of two musicians. One is a talented man who is playing on a busy mall on a Sunday afternoon.  He has gotten the correct permit from the right authority. He has his business card and CDs (that he created himself). He runs a few social media channels himself and posts updates about upcoming performances, how good his last performances were along with teasing new songs and material to his small but passionate fanbase.  These are all the skills he had to learn himself.  He unpacks all his gear from his van and wheels it to his favorite spot, making several trips and running back and forward to get it all done quickly. Then taking half an hour to set up and do a sound check. He plays for a few hours, smiles for photos with some fans and gives out a few business cards (with QR codes to his social media channels).  As the sun starts going down, he checks his hat, which now has a few hundred dollars cash in it and his Venmo account, which also has a couple of hundred dollars in it, starts to pack up his collection of speakers and instruments and then heads home.  He had a great day playing music for his audience on a local main street corner. He will now spend many hours this week updating his social media, responding to new comments from audience members and getting ready for his new album launch.  All of which he will do himself.  Learn more about my keynote speaking engagements where I talk about life lessons I learned from being a professional stuntman. Another musician is a lead guitarist. That’s all he does. He plays in a well known band and travels the country and sometimes to other countries six to nine months out of the year. He is paid a reasonable salary and his schedule is booked out months ahead for him.    While he has little control over where and when he needs to show up for performances due to his contract, he does enjoy traveling and being in a new city multiple times per week, while meeting fans and hanging with friends from far away places.   He does miss his family and friends back home who don’t get to see him too often.    As show time rolls around, tonight is a larger performance than most, at one of the biggest cities on that side of the country. He goes through the same pre-show routine, double checking with his technicians and managers. Everything is good. His system, as well as the band’s, is flawless. He contributed to creating such a tight and perfect routine and now just has to show up.    He and the whole band crush it to a sell out crowd like they do every night, playing the same songs in the same order, using the same jokes and “We love you”s. Afterwards they all go backstage for beers and an after party with a few local celebrities, VIPs and competition winners and receive pats on the back about how good they were and answer the same questions (like “where do you get your inspiration?”) that they do from fans every night.   He had a great day playing music for his audience.   He then heads to bed in the tour bus while he gets driven several hours throughout the night to the next city, before he wakes up to do it all again. He has four more months of this until he will return home.    Which one of the above would you rather be?   Does one sound like hard work more than the other? Does one sound more easy, rewarding and inspiring?    Success can come in many forms. Money is not the only metric and the impact we have on others and the value we receive to ourselves can be measured in many ways.    And the beautiful thing is that we get to design our life the way we want.  Onwards and upwards, my friend, as you design yours the way you want. ~ Brett Solomano

The Most Effective Strategies to Overcome Writer’s Block.

The Most Effective Strategies to Overcome Writer’s Block.   Let’s face it… Procrastination is horrific. It’s a silent dream killer of pandemic volumes.   When you consider all the possible things that could be achieved without procrastination being a factor in this world, the world would look extremely different. Inventions and technology would be further ahead. Artists and their artwork would be serving more people through inspiration, empathy and compassion. But unfortunately, for a number of reasons, we often stay in our comfort zone with too many “good things” within an easy arm’s reach and not enough undesirable consequences to drive us forward.    If we can work from home, get everything delivered to us at short notice, why try harder? Here’s why… Because it’s within you. It’s an idea burning away. If you can feel it there simmering for days, weeks and months, do something with it! It’s calling to you.   “It’s better to regret something you have done than regret something you have not done.” – Billie Joe Armstrong   I’ve wanted to write consistently for a long time. I knew I wanted to leave a bigger legacy of content on the world, serving better mental and emotional awareness. And a habit of writing was for certain one of the core pillars to build this. But the usual blocks, resistance, and justifications would come up… “But what would I write about? I don’t have an audience. When I make just a bit more money, I’ll take the time off to write.” Like many things in life, the solution is quite simple.  Just like the desire being within us, the solution to achieve that desire is also within us too.  It’s not about waiting for the right invitation, to have enough money or the right idea to drop from the heavens like a lightning bolt. There is only one solution to beat procrastination – taking action.   When you are taking action, you are no longer procrastinating.  The more action we take (yes, even it’s a bad) is moving us toward (yes, even if it’s slowly) our goals. Take action. Don’t wait for someone else, the right amount of money, the right invitation. Get out there and make it happen.  Let’s face it. Does the world need another piece of artwork or blog? No. BUT the world DOES need YOUR blog and YOUR artwork! And that’s what I truly believe. I knew that someone, somewhere, somehow sooner or later is going to enjoy and benefit from my blog (perhaps this is you right now? It’s fine if not but thank you for reading all the same) and someone will pay me money to solve problems for them with my coaching and speaking, through the blogs that I’ve written. The feeling of the expected and future based outcome was good enough for me to say yes to myself, but how would I get started and take action when all of the lack of clarity, lack of momentum and a whole world (or so it feels) is against me?   You do whatever it takes, edge finders! I had to trick myself into writing. I pulled out the best tricks in order to get myself to do what my heart desired while my mind and current state of affairs told me otherwise. I had many well-worn paths and programs doing other things that didn’t get me closer to writing (stuck on social media anyone?) that it was an uphill battle to motivate myself to act differently from what I had already been doing for years. Here’s what I did to reprogram myself…   Better People Programs They say that your net worth will be the average of the five people you hang around with most. So, this is where you secretly need to tag along with others who are going to the same places as you are too. I got accountability buddies, an editor that I was paying for and a good friend (Scott Ko I’m looking at you buddy!) who was in a similar place with writing content too to have regular discussions with. These all helped pull, push and lift my connection to my writing up.   Trap Programs This habit is essentially you setting a trap for yourself.  I would leave my laptop out on my bed or couch so that I would have to move it doing anything else relaxing at least. And I would leave it open to the most inviting page, either a blank screen or a half-finished blog. This way I was always likely to say “well, while I’m here I guess I’ll just…” and hopefully that would be enough for me to tip over the line and start writing. Usually, I never had a problem writing once I got started. A trap program like this does nothing other than get you closer to the intended action. Ideally, so close that it’s the only next logical step.   Adjacent Programs What other mental programs, tasks or actions are adjacent to the current task? This once again comes from my good buddy Scott Ko who writes a lot on curiosity. Instead of directly writing, which can feel difficult and daunting for some of us to have a starting point AND feel like you have to achieve a certain outcome, ask yourself: “what programs or habits can I run that are similar but not the same, that may get me in the mood, zone or inspired to do what I desire?” This can look like reading other people’s writing which might inspire me to write my own. Or complete a coaching session that is likely to be a problem someone is trying to overcome as well as a solution for them AND a pathway in between the two. They can’t be the only ones with this problem, it’s just not possible. Therefore, it MUST be valuable to someone else too. Another example is the good old gym session that so many of us procrastinate

Reader Question: Am I Just Being Jealous?

Reader Question: Am I Just Being Jealous?   I’m really jealous of my girlfriend who has numerous guy friends. She’s often texting with them. She says she’s just an extrovert, which she is far more than I am, and I have no reason to believe she’s cheating but I feel very jealous. She has called me out on this a few times and I’m trying to not be insecure, but I’m not sure. Should I be concerned?   This one is quite simple really. This question would likely have a mixture of opinions from a variety of people, especially different genders and especially those that have been cheated on in the past. Many people will tell you that she is probably cheating or that if she really loved you, she wouldn’t do that to you and, just as many might tell you to get over it and let her live her life and stop being insecure.  The truth is somewhere in the middle. What do you want? What does she want? What is the vision and intentions that you have for the relationship that you both share with each other?  What do you desire your relationship to look like when you’re together? And the same question back to her, what does she desire your relationship to look like when she’s with you?    As an introvert, being in a relationship with an extrovert can be both really valuable, as introverts can sometimes be less motivated to go out and make and maintain friendships, but also overwhelming with a calendar full of parties and a never-ending supply of new people cycling through your life. A lot of people have differing definitions of what cheating is for them and how a partner can and should express their love to and for them.  You need to ask yourself: is she just not doing enough of a good thing that you desire for you? For example, is she not present when she’s with you or not spending enough time with you? OR is it that she’s doing too much of a bad thing, disappearing for days at a time, spending time with people that you don’t think are in alignment with how you desire your relationship to be, or is she perhaps hiding or failing to divulge certain experiences she’s having?   Hopefully it’s just the former (not doing enough of a good thing that you are desiring) and you guys can have a positive chat about what your individual and shared intentions are for the relationship. From here you can set some really beautiful visions with each other where you share and ask for what it is that makes you both the happiest.  If it’s the latter (doing too many things that are undesirable to you and that don’t align with your values), and you’ll know because the conversation I just mentioned probably hasn’t happened and won’t happen anytime soon, then you’ll need to draw some hard lines in the sand keeping unmet expectations and unrequited love at bay while you come back to your own power.   Either way, what is it that you want for yourself, your partner and your relationship? There’s a way to get through this edge finder!   For more information on jealousy, you can check out my other blog on jealousy here.

Reader Question: I Need a Coach’s Perspective on Dating Etiquette.

dating questions for a coach

Reader Question: I Need a Coach’s Perspective on Dating Etiquette.   I’m a 23-year-old woman. I’ve just started seriously going out and looking to date guys. I read a lot of articles about “dating etiquette”. Two Questions: 1- How can I make sure I have a good first date?  2- Should a guy really pay on a first date? It seems so archaic. I’m independent but I don’t mind if someone pays…I just don’t want there to be expectations.   Great questions! One of the most important things on a first date to remember is making sure that you have a good time. Sounds kind of obvious right? But don’t go there to GET something…and don’t go there to GIVE something. Go there to BE something.  Be yourself in ways that you most enjoy. If you’re fun and funny, be fun and funny. If you love intellectually stimulating conversations, ponder how life works with him. Don’t expect anything but do try to put yourself out there in ways that will attract the people you desire to be around and create the experiences you desire to have. Don’t wait for any man to make it amazing for you! It’s your life and it’s your night out. Remove any expectations as much as you can and if the conversation and connection really isn’t there at least you’ve gone to a place that is enjoyable for you and you met someone new! As far as paying for a date, just know that there are many different camps of thought in the Modern World about who should pay on a first date. And if we apply a “should” onto anyone we may very well be disappointed when they believe something different to us. Different people behave in different ways because all people have different values.   If you’re happy to pay for yourself and he doesn’t pay for you, you’ve lost nothing. If he pays for you then great! If you want a man to pay for you on a date (and financially support, you later on) then consider looking for a man with those values and with a certain amount of financial abundance.  And if you want a man to share responsibilities with so you can co-create something together then consider what this might look like on the first date. How else will you contribute to the connection and future relationship? What will you bring to the party? What will he bring? Be mindful to steer away from transactional interactions. Neither he nor you should be expecting anyone to pay (or behave in any way) in order to achieve an outcome. What are you trying to co-create together? On the date and for the rest of your life?   Always keep this in mind edge finder – You need to be you. Being anyone else will attract the wrong “someone else”.

How to Avoid the Paralyzing Effect of Endless Learning.

In this fast-paced world, many people are trying to solve the world’s problems by implementing a new idea…and make millions from it. Like the gold miners of the 19th century moving dirt one shovel at a time, every entrepreneur is just one pitch away from making squillions.

How to Overcome Jealousy in Your Relationship

How to Overcome Jealousy in Your Relationship. Having jealousy consistently plays a role in your relationship can quickly be the demise of your once healthy and loving relationship. It sure is a big weight for you both to carry! A great example of a common argument in a relationship can stem from your partner spending more of their free time with their friends or deciding to work longer hours than before. The sudden shift may lead your mind into a dark rabbit hole of “what-if” type questions.  “What if they no longer love me?” “What if he wants a younger lover?” “What if they want to be with someone else?”  Side Note: A separate conversation here is if a partner is operating outside the bounds of the rules that you’ve set in your relationship. There will be another blog on this. Make sure to check it out. By asking yourself questions about the emotion, you can discover the reason why you’re feeling jealous in a relationship. Start here to learn what jealousy is and action forward tips moving through the heavy emotion. You can learn more about the problem by asking yourself these questions: What do I fear losing? Why do I fear losing this? Why would this be so bad? Why would that be so bad? (And the answer to this question can be then questioned with…) Why would the answer to that be so bad for me? (And again, ask the same question for the next answer) Repeat these questions until you find a deeper answer. Some common answers that may come up as you answer each question might be: Because then I’d be alone. Because I’d be unseen. Because I’d be unloved. Phew… *Sigh*… This can be tough to read out loud at first so be kind to yourself as you explore and observe this. While much joy in life can be found through relationships and other people loving us, it’s important to cultivate a sense of wholeness within ourselves as well. This inner strength can act as a buffer against jealousy. Once we find what it is that we are expecting to receive from them we can ask: While I thought that that person or situation was unique and the only way to receive that thing I wanted (e.g. love, significance, connection, variety, stimulation, income etc) how else can I get that for myself from other places? Is It Normal to Be Jealous? Yes, it is normal and common. But the question is, is it acceptable? And, if it is acceptable, what does it bring value? All emotions can be treated like gauges on a dashboard giving you a reading on your current state in relation to the world around you and your connection between your conscious and subconscious beliefs. The few times I’ve felt jealous I’ve been able to transmute it with the questions above. Somehow, I’ve always been rather rational and logical with certain emotions but as I write this blog I’m beginning to realize why I haven’t experienced too much jealousy in my life.  Sadly, that’s because from a younger age I’ve always been fiercely independent, and bitterness and resentment are slightly more common for me in the history of my emotional ledger.  Instead of believing I want something from someone or that they owe it to me (defensive fear – jealousy), in the past I have gone straight to the emotions of either bitterness or resentment (dismissive aggression or avoidance) with a voice in my mind sometimes appearing at worst as “How could they do that to me?! I’ll show them!” On a positive note, since I’ve started working on myself this has helped change my perceptions and actions now blossoming into a stable healthy place and calm loving balanced perspective. So to answer my own questions above, yes, all emotions are acceptable and bring value IF we listen to them and treat them as gauges on the dashboard. Is it ok to have a low gas tank? Yes. Is it ok to run around all day with a low gas tank, the fuel light on and blame others for your current situation? I’d say no. There is far more power and love and in taking action from the feedback that our emotions give us and by diving in to explore them. How Do You Know if You’ve Finally Overcome Jealousy? Once you start to observe and deprogram your mind by sitting with yourself and asking these questions on a daily basis as your emotions pop up, you’ll begin to see how rigidly attached you are to certain things and outcomes.  Attachments bring expectations. But the harsh truth of reality is that it doesn’t always comply with our expectations.  We need to show up as we are, where we are for whoever is right in front of us… Even if it’s no longer our partner or the team we wanted to be promoted to. It may take time to learn to live from a place of abundance and feel the love and power coming from inside instead of outside, but the effort to break the hold that an emotion like jealousy can have and navigate it differently can change your life. Keep the famous quote in mind, “If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours. If not, it was never meant to be.

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