Reader Question: I Need a Coach’s Perspective on Dating Etiquette.
I’m a 23-year-old woman. I’ve just started seriously going out and looking to date guys. I read a lot of articles about “dating etiquette”.
Two Questions:
1- How can I make sure I have a good first date?
2- Should a guy really pay on a first date? It seems so archaic. I’m independent but I don’t mind if someone pays…I just don’t want there to be expectations.
Great questions!
One of the most important things on a first date to remember is making sure that you have a good time. Sounds kind of obvious right? But don’t go there to GET something…and don’t go there to GIVE something. Go there to BE something.
Be yourself in ways that you most enjoy. If you’re fun and funny, be fun and funny. If you love intellectually stimulating conversations, ponder how life works with him. Don’t expect anything but do try to put yourself out there in ways that will attract the people you desire to be around and create the experiences you desire to have.
Don’t wait for any man to make it amazing for you! It’s your life and it’s your night out. Remove any expectations as much as you can and if the conversation and connection really isn’t there at least you’ve gone to a place that is enjoyable for you and you met someone new!
As far as paying for a date, just know that there are many different camps of thought in the Modern World about who should pay on a first date. And if we apply a “should” onto anyone we may very well be disappointed when they believe something different to us.
Different people behave in different ways because all people have different values.
If you’re happy to pay for yourself and he doesn’t pay for you, you’ve lost nothing. If he pays for you then great! If you want a man to pay for you on a date (and financially support, you later on) then consider looking for a man with those values and with a certain amount of financial abundance.
And if you want a man to share responsibilities with so you can co-create something together then consider what this might look like on the first date. How else will you contribute to the connection and future relationship? What will you bring to the party? What will he bring?
Be mindful to steer away from transactional interactions. Neither he nor you should be expecting anyone to pay (or behave in any way) in order to achieve an outcome. What are you trying to co-create together? On the date and for the rest of your life?
Always keep this in mind edge finder – You need to be you. Being anyone else will attract the wrong “someone else”.
