Reader Question: Am I Just Being Jealous?

 

I’m really jealous of my girlfriend who has numerous guy friends. She’s often texting with them. She says she’s just an extrovert, which she is far more than I am, and I have no reason to believe she’s cheating but I feel very jealous. She has called me out on this a few times and I’m trying to not be insecure, but I’m not sure. Should I be concerned?

 

This one is quite simple really. This question would likely have a mixture of opinions from a variety of people, especially different genders and especially those that have been cheated on in the past. Many people will tell you that she is probably cheating or that if she really loved you, she wouldn’t do that to you and, just as many might tell you to get over it and let her live her life and stop being insecure. 

The truth is somewhere in the middle. What do you want? What does she want? What is the vision and intentions that you have for the relationship that you both share with each other? 

What do you desire your relationship to look like when you’re together? And the same question back to her, what does she desire your relationship to look like when she’s with you? 

 

As an introvert, being in a relationship with an extrovert can be both really valuable, as introverts can sometimes be less motivated to go out and make and maintain friendships, but also overwhelming with a calendar full of parties and a never-ending supply of new people cycling through your life. A lot of people have differing definitions of what cheating is for them and how a partner can and should express their love to and for them. 

You need to ask yourself: is she just not doing enough of a good thing that you desire for you? For example, is she not present when she’s with you or not spending enough time with you? OR is it that she’s doing too much of a bad thing, disappearing for days at a time, spending time with people that you don’t think are in alignment with how you desire your relationship to be, or is she perhaps hiding or failing to divulge certain experiences she’s having?

 

Hopefully it’s just the former (not doing enough of a good thing that you are desiring) and you guys can have a positive chat about what your individual and shared intentions are for the relationship. From here you can set some really beautiful visions with each other where you share and ask for what it is that makes you both the happiest. 

If it’s the latter (doing too many things that are undesirable to you and that don’t align with your values), and you’ll know because the conversation I just mentioned probably hasn’t happened and won’t happen anytime soon, then you’ll need to draw some hard lines in the sand keeping unmet expectations and unrequited love at bay while you come back to your own power.

 

Either way, what is it that you want for yourself, your partner and your relationship?

There’s a way to get through this edge finder!

 

For more information on jealousy, you can check out my other blog on jealousy here.